Craft Comedy Pillows

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Do it yourself books.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

Knight with paint tin on his head.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Hanley Fabric Co., Polly-Esther

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Outlaw Quilting Bees

"Gesundheit."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

The disgruntled employees were brought down with tranquilizer darts, ending the worst pillow fight in recent memory.

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

'I baked it especially for you.'

Keister Island

'Hmm, back to the drawing board.'

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

"He can't bear working on yellow teeth."

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

Make Your Own

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

When Chemists take acid trips.