Crafty Couple Comedy Pillows

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

Outlaw Quilting Bees

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Two lovers sitting on a bobbin

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"I want to make it with you."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sorry. No refunds."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"I hope you like it. I made it myself."

'That's it! The lost chord!'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'