Comedy Chemist Pillows

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

"I think I may have stumbled on something, Walpole."

Carbon Dating.

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

The Style of Elements

Scientists are sexy

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point.' Tennyson.'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

'Put a tick under 'very toxic'.' (New Orleans Toxic Clean-Up Team).

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

Sexual chemistry set

"What's a nine-letter word for biotechnology?"

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'