Comedian Of Science Pillows

The armchair pharmacologist speaks...

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

How Glaciations Begin

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."