Comedian Of Science Gifts

The armchair pharmacologist speaks...

Albert Einstein

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Teenagers!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

How Glaciations Begin

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

'Einstein's blackboard as he left it'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?