Science Comedian Pillows

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'Catch this!'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

'We're de-salting water?'

'The stand-up geneticist'

'Be careful with that thing, will you? -- I just evolved this brain!'

'Here, from the printout of my entire DNA: the gene for embezzling.'

A ship sails on water flowing off a flat Earth.

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Schrodinger's Black Box

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

How Glaciations Begin

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

The new Physics