Apocalypse Humorists Gifts

'It's been 3 weeks and still no rapture...I'm not waitin' that long fah you to pay yaw'r bah tab.'

"The plunger makes it easier for the lord to rapture us."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

"Well, we got the grant."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Transylvanian Snails.

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

Suez Canal Curse

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'It's just one night of the week you can't go out with your friends! It's not the end of the world!'

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."