Apocalypse Humorist Gifts

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

World Ends Today - Sorry About the Inconvenience.

"Mind if we play through?"

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"Ideally I'm after a short-term relationship."

We've seen you with that sign for years, and nothing ever happens --- Does that bother you? The world ends tomorrow. Heck, no! I'm an optimist.

Zombie Baseball

"Have we time for you to have a quickie, Dearie?"

The End Is Nigh - The End.

The End is Neigh

"The good news is that we probably don't need to go to work tomorrow!"

"Dammit! - Can't get a signal..."

"Are forever stamps ok?"

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Fancy a pint?

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Cat Frankenstein

"Some Debussy, Igor."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"You run into a window, too?"

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

...your sales are rather anemic

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"