Apocalypse Comedian Gifts

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'It's just one night of the week you can't go out with your friends! It's not the end of the world!'

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

Zombie Baseball

"Oh wow, Countdown to End Times calendar, no, Dean, I don't already have one. Um, Happy New Year to you too."

"This may come as a shock to you, but I'm not particularly worried about a zombie apocalypse!"

'Put it on my tab.'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

The end is nigh.

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

The late Cretaceous period.

Of all the days to sleep in!

The End is Neigh

Doomsayer: The end is near!

"O.K., doomer."

"No Wasteland skills, per se. But I did have over 1 Million followers when we still had the internet."

"Harry got a recall notice."