Apocalypse Humorists Pillows

'It's been 3 weeks and still no rapture...I'm not waitin' that long fah you to pay yaw'r bah tab.'

"The plunger makes it easier for the lord to rapture us."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"You run into a window, too?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Well, we got the grant."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Transylvanian Snails.

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

"Master Vlad, we must not forget wearing our bib when we go out playing at night."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'