Animal-obsessed Sibling Pillows

Christmas Pets

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

A large leaf falling on a dog

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Haute Suture

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"This never happened."

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Dog wearing a cone

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Chasebook

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

A dog postal worker delivers through a letterbox in a doggy door.

Pet Entertainers

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

Separation

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

"C'mon. Get out there and go tinkle already."

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

'So... Who's chasing who?'

"Shhh! I'm hiding from Mistress who wants to go on a walk! It's cold and raining outside: no way I'm wearing that stupid coat again!"