Animal Lovers With A Twist Gifts

With a sickening jolt, Mel realized the awful truth: he was being defended by a pair of court-appointed light-weights, against the sharpest prosecutors in the county.

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

Returns: Curling Iron.

"You're home early."

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'So...We're not pilots!'

'The funny part of it was that at the time I was hunting butterflies!'

Kangaroo and Periscope.

'I think therefore I'm a man in a cow suit!'

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

"On the plus side, my back hasn't felt this good in years."

Coo Coo Clock

Tortoise leaves his Shell to Smoke.

After animal control came and took all of her cats, Edna would henceforth become known as the crazy pygmy marmoset lady.

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

'Sometimes I think I like animals better than people.'

'Look at Spot - he always did love to play with Jack!'

"You can domesticate it, but only if it's hypoallergenic."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."