Animal Lover With A Quirky Twist Gifts

Origami animals are being driven into a confetti factory slaughter house.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Dog Dressed to Eat

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Diner

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

Gym Dog

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Roget's Pet

He prefers to play fetch with a medicine ball.

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"He ran out of pee."

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

Teacher's pet dog

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."