Animal Lover With A Quirky Twist Gifts

Origami animals are being driven into a confetti factory slaughter house.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

Diner

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

Roget's Pet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Actually I never loved you."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"He ran out of pee."

Teacher's pet dog

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

'Beware of SUV.'