Pet Lovers With A Twist Gifts

'I read my newspaper online.'

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

A lion walks into a Colosseum arena where a dish of food is waiting.

"No, Bruce, that's the heating guy."

101 uses of a dead cat: dog's bed.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Diner

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

Gym Dog

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Roget's Pet

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'Are we there yet?'

Cat and mouse.

He prefers to play fetch with a medicine ball.

'Of course if you wanna a really BIG family I guess we could always adopt.'

"Gesundheit!"

'We'll get a head start on goofing off.'