Pet Owner With A Playful Twist Gifts

'I have a good feeling about Mistress' new boyfriend: He's a Council Dog-Catcher!'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'Super Dog'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Roget's Pet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

To them it's just a Prada handbag

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

K9 Literati.

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

Pet Pony

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"C'mon already...that lipstick really isn't my shade."

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"It's just until he gets over his laryngitis."