Pet Owner With A Twist Gifts

"I've been out of work three times this year but I always seem to land on my feet."

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

That bird really gives me the creeps...

"I'm not a dog person - I'm just a guy with a dog."

Human pet

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

The Curse of the Werewolf

'So, when did the vet say it came come off?'

'I enjoy macrame, dissecting small rodents.' The dog's reply - 'I wish I wasn't this man's best friend.'

'Bad, stupid dog! Get off the cou...ooh, sweet, precious doggiekins found my missing butcher knife!'

'Noah's Refrigerator.' On it is a 'To Do List' that includes, 'Clip Pet Food Coupons, Build Ark.'

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

Handicapped Accessible Hydrant

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

The Grim Reaper's pets.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird."

"Zzz."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"You're the only man he's ever liked."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'