Animal Conspiracy Theorist Gifts

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Elevator Music

'You call yourself a zebra? Where'd you get those stripes, in a zoo?'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"The human is back - act normal."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

Cat scratch fever

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

*Translation: "M'eh-lahni-ah... your mission begins. Depart for 'Earth' and await your instructions".

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

'Try not to cause panic - it spoils the meat.'

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."

"Our surveillance shows that young Earthlings have portable devices for the purpose of showing funny cat videos."

'So, the rumours are true! You have been friendly with the Postman! My own son! Shame on you!'

"Paul turn off your flashlight. There's a real interesting star cluster I'm trying to get a picture of."

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

Here lie the earthly remains of Cal Can, beloved town dogcatcher.

Snowman Murder

"It looks like we've moved way past condition red!"

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

'If you can hear this you have been abducted.'

'Did I get this right? You bet 1,000,000,- that the Earth will get destroyed within the next three hours and if you win, I can keep the money to myself?? WOW!! Good luck, man! GOOD LUCK!!'

Where have you been all night?

'Look out - a snooper from Environmental Health.'

Cat: 'Either their cheese has gone bad, or the mice are working on weapons of mass destruction.'