Animal Conspiracy Theorist T-Shirts

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Elevator Music

'You call yourself a zebra? Where'd you get those stripes, in a zoo?'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"The human is back - act normal."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

I was just watching a Youtube video called "How a Lack of Bird Poop Proved the Big Bang." It wan about how removing all sources of interference from a huge radiation detector led to the discovery of cosmic background radiation. They'd removed everything that might've been messing up the readings, and the last thing they removed was bird droppings. Then they knew the signals were real, and from space. I'm gonna have to watch that for myself, I'm not sure you've got all the details right. I was di

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

Cat scratch fever

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

*Translation: "M'eh-lahni-ah... your mission begins. Depart for 'Earth' and await your instructions".

I rented a car from Hertz the other day, and there was a camera in it. Really? Someone forgot their camera? No, I mean in the dashboard. There was a little camera pointed at me. I have no idea who or what was watching me. Maybe it was Hertz. Maybe it was the NSA. Maybe it was for American Idol auditions. To cover all my bases, I sang the Star-Spangled Banner the whole drive. I'm never renting from Hertz again.

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

"Our surveillance shows that young Earthlings have portable devices for the purpose of showing funny cat videos."

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."

'Try not to cause panic - it spoils the meat.'

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

'So, the rumours are true! You have been friendly with the Postman! My own son! Shame on you!'

Here lie the earthly remains of Cal Can, beloved town dogcatcher.

"It looks like we've moved way past condition red!"

"Paul turn off your flashlight. There's a real interesting star cluster I'm trying to get a picture of."

Snowman Murder

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

'If you can hear this you have been abducted.'

Where have you been all night?

'Did I get this right? You bet 1,000,000,- that the Earth will get destroyed within the next three hours and if you win, I can keep the money to myself?? WOW!! Good luck, man! GOOD LUCK!!'

Ok, you were right, we should invade AFTER the meek inherit the Earth.