Canine Conspirator T-Shirts

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

'So, the rumours are true! You have been friendly with the Postman! My own son! Shame on you!'

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

'What have you done with the dog, Fred?'

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

'Look out - a snooper from Environmental Health.'

Here lie the earthly remains of Cal Can, beloved town dogcatcher.

"Here's the deal: you weren't on the couch and I didn't eat this."

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

"The human is back - act normal."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'You dropped the ball. You're being paid to throw it.'

Billy strip: bed pan.

'I baked it especially for you.'

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

"After you read the menu, eat it."

"...but you uncovered this cafe's secret conspiracy to addict us to over-caffeinated drinks."

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

'Sorry, they all smell the same to me.'

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

'There's probably no dog.'

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

Observe, Prepare, Act

"I just don't get it. According to my calculations, they spend on average five days out of seven away from home: Where do they go and what do they do?"

"I'm from the president's office. We want you to develop a truth drug."

Penetrating Pet Disguises...