Cat Conspiracist Gifts

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Biofelineism

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"The human is back - act normal."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

"I did the math, and I'm telling you I have two left!"

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

"Good luck with your interview. And remember, they can't discriminate based on how many lives you have left."

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

'So, the rumours are true! You have been friendly with the Postman! My own son! Shame on you!'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

"I guess I could include the box... But why would you want it, Mr. Schrödinger?"

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

I know this is the first day of the rest of my life, but if were a cat, and I had nine lives, would that make this the first life of the rest of my day

Here lie the earthly remains of Cal Can, beloved town dogcatcher.

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

'I told you to keep quiet about not liking cats...' (Animal Rights protesters outside the house)

The Truth about J.D.'s hatred of Cats.

'That's the problem with cats - they can be so destructive.'

"We finally found something in common - we all hate that stupid cat of yours."

'Look out - a snooper from Environmental Health.'

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

"Here's some money and a passport. They'll be looking for you so head to to the border and good luck."

Cat Philosophy

'What have you done with the dog, Fred?'

"You've got nine lives? Well then, you're going to need nine life insurance policies!"