Cat Conspiracy Theorists Gifts

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

'Well, so much for that theory!'

"The human is back - act normal."

"Read a little about it"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

Secret Agent Men

Alien Mount Rushmore

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

"We've been told to inform you that the NSA, FBI, CIA, nor any other government agency cares what you say or do."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

"Picnic Area 51"

The Ungooglable Man

"Good luck with your interview. And remember, they can't discriminate based on how many lives you have left."

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

"Let's haunt the medics who falsified our death certificates"

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

People Who Talk To Elvis...

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

Modern day doomsayer

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Birth of a conspiracy theorist. Sooo

"I guess I could include the box... But why would you want it, Mr. Schrödinger?"

Asteroids are a hoax. I know, but could you just let it go without arguing this time?

'Ya don't scare me copper. I'll break out'a dis joint an come round an poop on ya lawn.'

Terrornomics

The Government That Cried Wolf

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."