Canine Conspiracy Theorist Gifts

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"The human is back - act normal."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

Oh, jeez, I should remember this guy! How do I sniff him without him knowing I'm sniffing him?

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

"The question should be, do PEOPLE go to heaven?"

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

'Don't worry... Buster's always digging-up something or other!'

"You're the one with the fancy forensic psychology degree; you tell me which one of them did it."

'For you, the meaning of life is 'eat, play, sleep'.'