Angelic Satire Lover Gifts

"Time- Shares!"

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

"Crap."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'T.M.I.F.'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

Heaven Has VIP

And on the seventh day He rested

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

Some other sins you may enjoy.

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"You received your rewards on earth."

"Two bars—how about you?"

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

"Man, what I wouldn't do for some Chinese take-out."

'Oh, I don't know -- Tell Adam to try patriarchy for awhile and we'll see how it works out.'

An angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".

"Which countries have you visited recently?"

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."