Angelic Satire Lover Pillows

"Time- Shares!"

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

Heaven Has VIP

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

"Two bars—how about you?"

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"You received your rewards on earth."

'Oh, I don't know -- Tell Adam to try patriarchy for awhile and we'll see how it works out.'

An angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".

"Which countries have you visited recently?"

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Heaven Mk. II.

'I was an overachiever.'