Angelic Satire Enjoyer Gifts

"You know, you're not helping yourself."

'T.M.I.F.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Gates of heaven

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'All the tellers are nuns.'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

"I still hate you."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Holy Relics.

About to take a triumphant departure from Ireland, Saint Patrick set his sights on world domination. That is, before his focus was diverted by a small harmless looking beverage.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

Heavenly Take Out

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Atheist United - A Non-Prophet Organization

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Heaven Has VIP

'Adam, are you sure this what He meant by 'being fruitful and multiplying'...?'