Angelic Satirist Gifts

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'What's this I hear about you robbing St. Peter to pay St. Paul?'

"Let me get this straight. This is the place of eternal happiness, but all the rock stars and hookers are down there?"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'

"Lucifer wants to know if we're interested in a time-share swap."

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

Bishops Snooker