Angelic Comedian Gifts

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'The New York Times obituaries had some good things to say about you. However, none of them are in this book.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"I get great reception this way."

'My catastrophic insurance was a waste of money. When the catastrophe hit, I didn't need it.'

"It's the new LED model."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

"This is so unusual...having been a politician, how did you manage to end up here?"

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

'T.M.I.F.'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

An amplified harp

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"So much for eternal rest."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

"I chair the safety committee here, but since we're all dead, it's largely symbolic."

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

Heavenly Take Out

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Late Night TV

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."