Angelic Comedian Gifts

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'The New York Times obituaries had some good things to say about you. However, none of them are in this book.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"I get great reception this way."

'My catastrophic insurance was a waste of money. When the catastrophe hit, I didn't need it.'

"It's the new LED model."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

"This is so unusual...having been a politician, how did you manage to end up here?"

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

An amplified harp

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"So much for eternal rest."

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

Late Night TV

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

Showering angel has water bouncing off her halo.

"You received your rewards on earth."

"Oh, come on, you must want to be remembered for something!"

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

"I couldn't take it with me, so I came back."