Angelic Driver Gifts

'I crashed my sportscar on the way to a Golf match.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Guitars in Heaven

Damn defibrillators.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

Played Wordle Fair and Square

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

Give Way To Cyclists

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

"Doesn't anybody play the harp anymore?"

'Please hold for an eternity...'

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

"Actually, when I wangled a transfer to the Los Angeles office, I expected palm trees and ocean."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

Movie Angel

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Death of the pope.

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible

Angels waiting at baggage reclaim for their harps.

I'd like to check my e-mail...

'I would have taken it with me but the Inland Revenue got it all before I left.'

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

"No prizes for guessing who's been sucking up to the boss!"

"Just between you and me, the universe would move in much less mysterious ways if the spark plugs and the oil were changed on a half-way regular basis."

'I see my wife made it in.'

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

'Actually we were hoping for someone on drums.'

'I somehow always knew heaven would be like this!'