Amputee Gifts

The Grim Reaper

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

The incomplete Angler

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'Malpractice? No - it's not our dog.'

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

"Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be, Charlotte Church"

Lew Yomp Jr: Investment Counselor & Elvis Look Alike.

"Dangerous? Nah, I could count on one hand the number of times he's bitten me."

'He's been a perfect jewel, ever since I knocked the stuffing out of him.'

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"

Nurse cautioning a patient

'Jack?! Long time no see! Gimme a high five!'

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"He fought like hell."

Ronni Ancona.

"How did it go? Read my blog."

Farm Humor.

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

"What?..John Lennon!..Well no wonder I can't find work.I'm an Elvis impersonator."

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

More holiday ICD-10 codes you may encounter...

CLINIC, 'Good news - Those tiny voices I've been hearing are from my pacemaker.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"As for the helium treatments. . . things are lookin' up."

'Mind if I cut in?'

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

"Your condition is serious, Mr. Reynolds, but fortunately I recently scored some excellent weed that should alleviate your symptoms."

Clinic for those with one leg - Wipe your foot.

Clinic For Those With One Leg: Wipe Your Foot.