Amputation Awareness Advocate Gifts

"Dangerous? Nah, I could count on one hand the number of times he's bitten me."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

YOLO vs YODO

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

The incomplete Angler

Bubbling

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"I suggest you take an Empathy pill every day."

Sewer Rats

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

"In some ways it'll be a relief when the obesity time-bomb does finally go off."

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

Help - "What's in it for me?"

"Young man, you're the only one who bothered to stop!"

Another possibility to why manatees are endangered.

"The Hendersons say they've got Covid. Is that still a thing?"

'Are you willing to release your medical records?'

Water carriers/bearers.

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'

"But do you feel invisible?"

Why pirates don't get picked in basketball teams.

'I've changed my mind, I'm using all mine!'

Prostate Issues

"Oooh, no - I couldn't have another slice of carrot cake, Mabel - not with my irritable bowel the way it is..."

Well, someone's gotta tell him he's adopted.

Drug-Free Zone ... Except For Junk Food.

Should have used a higher SPF...