Amputation Recovery Gifts

I Love Milling Machines

'I'm sorry. We can't break up a set.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

Barbeque Casualty.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'