Medical Procedure Recovery Gifts

"I forgot to get a selfie during the procedure. Can we do it again?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"