Major Surgery Recovery Gifts

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"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'