Post-operation Recovery Gifts

Bill was a little disappointed with the whippet round his work colleagues had organised.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."