Post-operation Gifts

"As you can see, we've transferred your husband from intensive to casual care."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"