Post-operation Gifts

"As you can see, we've transferred your husband from intensive to casual care."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

'You'd look sad too if there had been a strong earthquake during your vasectomy.'