Post-surgery Gifts

"Are you sure nothing funny happening during your operation?"

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"News flash – shoulder-surgery patient's wife can't do anything right."

Of course, it's just a temp until your permanent hook is made.

'Since my bone marrow transplant, the dog doesn't know me!'

'I'll have you out of bed and on your foot in no time.'

Sling

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

En garde!

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."