Post-surgery Pillows

"Are you sure nothing funny happening during your operation?"

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"News flash – shoulder-surgery patient's wife can't do anything right."

'Since my bone marrow transplant, the dog doesn't know me!'

'I'll have you out of bed and on your foot in no time.'

Sling

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

En garde!

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'