Surgery Recovery Gifts

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Surgery went well, Mr. Moore. I had a lot of fun rebuilding your knee joint.'

'Hip replacement? He was never hip to begin with.'

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

"What the difference between these two old men?"

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'Since the knee replacement surgery, you've gone from a knee-jerk conservative to a knee-jerk liberal.'

'Well, we located a kidney, but the donor is a Trekkie, so we'll leave it up to you.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'We managed to get to the Tennis Elbow before it spread to your balls!'

Golf cart in the hospital.

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'Peace brother, I'll be doing your hip surgery.'

Patient after an appendix operation

"I wanted you to meet our colon specialist before we miniaturized him."

"... No, it's not true that you can't eat anything after surgery - you can have lots of choices, like ice chips in a cup, ice chips in a bowl, ice chips a la ice..."

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

"Hey. When he wakes up, how 'bout I talk but you make the faces."

'You're doing great! In a few days, I think you'll be strong enough to eat hospital food!'

Hospital Radio - "And here's one for Mr Moss who's having his hip op today"

'Angiogram.'

"Hip Op? I thought you meant we were going to a hip-hop dance. . ."

"In case we have to go back in."

"Your boss called to say since you are having surgery, he'll only require you to work a half day today."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"They call this a semi-private room?"

'Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him!'

"I'd thought I'd lost my arm when I was hit in battle. It's amazing what they can do with reconstructive surgery these days."

"We need you to work on Saturday....Suck it up. Nobody likes a whiner.""

Man completely bandaged leaves an eye uncovered so he can read.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"We'll be using a pig's kidney in the transplant....Suit yourself, we'll try a turnip, good luck with that!"

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

'He can't seem to keep anything down.'