Recent Surgery Gifts

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'You'd look sad too if there had been a strong earthquake during your vasectomy.'

The incomplete Angler

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

"You're going to require a hip hop replacement."