Upcoming Surgery Gifts

"Well, yes, it's a routine procedure - if you routinely have someone slice open your body with sharp instruments and then fiddle with your insides."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

Crossed fingers on a sign for the operating room.

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

'Don't worry. That questionnaire is a lot more intrusive than your surgery will be.'

"Your hip operation.... April fool!"

"I don't need to check your chart! The best time for you to have surgery is right now!"

'You need to get very drunk before tomorrow's surgery. I know that I will.'

Escaping surgery.

'I'm having an operation on my hand next week...Here's a get well card and a prepaid envelope...You'll get a text reminder on Monday.'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'Come now, Mr. Glickman. It's just a routine operation - nothing at all to be alarmed about!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

"Gross."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)