Facing Surgery Gifts

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

'Did sombody say, McBypass'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

'Now that my wife has had laser eye surgery, she's insisting we move to someplace with a better view.'

'Come now, Mr. Glickman. It's just a routine operation - nothing at all to be alarmed about!'

Pin the Tail on the Donkey

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"Your hip operation.... April fool!"

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

"Well, yes, it's a routine procedure - if you routinely have someone slice open your body with sharp instruments and then fiddle with your insides."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

A 'Good Luck' horseshoe hangs over the hospital operating room

Surgery.

'Don't worry. That questionnaire is a lot more intrusive than your surgery will be.'