Considering Surgery Gifts

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"He needs a 'tummy tuck' so he'll look less like Friar Tuck."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Gross."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

En garde!

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."