Surgery Seekers Gifts

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

Ultimately, the teachers union agreed to a lesser pay increase in exchange for a full-time massage therapist in the faculty lounge.

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"Whoops..."

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"We have a cow AND a pig heart valve. Then, we gave him chicken lips, and a farmhand. I recommend you register him with the USDA."

Anatomy.

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

Anatomy.

He really puts his heart into it!