Surgeries Gifts

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Someone who knows apostrophes

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

Haute Suture

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"Surgery up here is free!"

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."