Surgery Gifts

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Perkins! The correct term for this operation is transplant. Not cut and paste!!'

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

'Great performance. He was going for a triple bypass, and he did a quadruple.'

"Hey Anesthesiologist! Let's pay attention!"

"OK, the old ones in my right hand..."

Damn defibrillators.

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'

"5 second rule!"

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'It's a no-brainer.'

An aspiring magician as well as a top notch surgeon, Dr.Curmbott always tried the old tablecloth trick after each operation.'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

'I have no idea what that thing is either...'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

Clown Angioplasty.

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."

'I'm stuck. Check it out on Google.'

Cosmetic brain surgery

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Oh, man - how many times have I told you? Measure twice, cut once.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'We'll make a mess of this one, you need to learn how to handle a malpractice complaint.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'