Surgery Pillows

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Perkins! The correct term for this operation is transplant. Not cut and paste!!'

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

'Great performance. He was going for a triple bypass, and he did a quadruple.'

"OK, the old ones in my right hand..."

Damn defibrillators.

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'It's a no-brainer.'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."

Cosmetic brain surgery

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Oh, man - how many times have I told you? Measure twice, cut once.'

'We'll make a mess of this one, you need to learn how to handle a malpractice complaint.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

Surgeons consulting a text book.

"Spork."

"Jessica could you call Tech Support and ask when the lazer was last calibrated please?"

'I'm past the liver, and there's the inflamed gallbladder. ... OK, switch us back to the game...'

The Annual Anesthesiologist Convention.

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."