Surgery As A Lifestyle Gifts

"Knife...fork..."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Cat in a flap

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Exercise Class

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Exercising

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'