Major Surgery Gifts

'We've tried everything.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

En garde!

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Gross."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."