Major Surgery Gifts

'We've tried everything.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

En garde!

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Gross."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

Surgeon carving a chicken/turkey.