Successful Surgery Gifts

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

"Good news, Mrs. Bryant - I think we got it all."

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'You'll be glad to know your daughter's surgery went fine and she's awake and texting.'

Organ Donation

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"Gross."

En garde!

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'