Heart Surgery Gifts

'Picked one you like yet?'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

Pacemaker Payments.

"It's from the hospital. They write that the warranty on your heart expires next Thursday. They wish you a hearty farewell!"

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'His heartbeat has been like that ever since he had the pig valve installed.'

"I was told you didn't want a pacemaker fitted."

"Would you prefer the artificial heart made by Venn-Trexx, or the generic, which costs a lot less?"

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I have a very stressful job. The doctor said my condition was induced by job related stress. Luckily, the bypass surgery is one of my executive perks.'

Doctor to patient wired up to ECG machine; 'We'll soon have you out of here. Don't worry. You'll be gone in a heartbeat.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

Happy Birthday to you.

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.